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How was I supposed to resist something called the belt butler???
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I've always wanted to hold a conversation with you. Not necessarily a question but I play by my own rules.
I would whore myself out verbally for the sake of your wish but I’ve never held a conversation in my life. Greater men (and a few women) have tried and failed.
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I bought a comb-over today and I named him Sex Machine.
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The hot Internet served me up all the drunk before this baseball game and now she hates me for this picture.
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I’m thinking about eating leftover corn and chicken but I don’t know. I just can’t decide.
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Essential food groups: white orange red and green.
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Today is the first night I’m “sleeping” at my new house
I put sleeping in quotes because mostly I’m just running around naked chanting “ORGY! ORGY! ORGY!”
Now that what you expected me to say is out of the way, I’m sitting in my only chair with a pile of freezies watching movies I already own on Starz because I have it free for three months and I’ll be damned if I let that go to waste.
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My “get up now or you’ll be late for work again, dickhead” alarm went off 7 minutes ago. Shrug.
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Sexting therapy
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Geez, mom…
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