Let us weep for an entire generation, amen.
Fuck raccoons. I snuck out the back door with a baseball bat at 2am while one of them was still in the can and put a bunch of weight on the lid. The smirk I got to enjoy while that little asshole was struggling to get out was worth getting out of bed. His stupid little paws were desperately trying to claw his way out and I just wanted to throw a pipe bomb in there to seal the deal. Motherfuckers it is summer and I can’t sleep with my window open if you assholes are fighting over that piece of pizza I couldn’t finish. Go eat some goddamn bugs in the forest where you belong.
*searches google for a silenced gun that shoots rubber bullets*
"Okay, the discounts I’m able to give you don’t quite add up to what you’re looking for, let me check with my manager."
Goes to lunch, returns 30 minutes later
"Sir, are you still there?" sips slurpy “My manager says we don’t really want to lose you as a customer, but go fuck yourself.”
I’m married to a girl that knows how to take selfies for me. (at Cliffs Of Moher)
Well, we just got home from Ireland. I just checked the mail. If any of you are ever considering having “outstanding credit”, don’t, because then you’ll never stop getting junk mail from credit card companies force feeding you ways to fuck up said outstanding credit. ITS LIKE THEY WANT EVERYONES CREDIT TO BE SHIT. Oh wait.
We drove the entire length of Ireland this week and saw 2 McDonald’s. We’re driving home from the Chicago airport and in the first 2 miles we’ve passed 6.
Update a half mile later: 7.
Only 4 full length featured pictures away from our destination!
Goodbye Ireland, I’ll miss your affordably priced prepaid mobile data plans. (at On the runway at Shannon Airport)
Here’s a sexy ass panoramic
WOW. (at Cliffs of Moher)
Cheers. (at Zuni, Kilkenny)
I think it’s sexier when my mustard speaks French. (at Fahys)
14th century scaffolding (at Rock of Cashel)
Hanging out on some ruins NBD (at Athassel Priory)