1. I’m sad that this is what she considers a “morning blowie” now that we’re married but at least I got a new LinkedIn profile picture out of it.

    I’m sad that this is what she considers a “morning blowie” now that we’re married but at least I got a new LinkedIn profile picture out of it.

  2. Been back on twitter for 24 hours and already experiencing the supernatural

    Been back on twitter for 24 hours and already experiencing the supernatural

  3. acertainculdesac:

sexting

Fuck yeah it does

    acertainculdesac:

    sexting

    Fuck yeah it does

    (via acertainculdesac-deactivated201)

  4. I hate how people call me grandma when I talk about my coupons

    It’s like bitch you just jealous of my big pimpin money savin swag

  5. Shopping Rewards

    Get the fuck outta my face with your 100 points equals one cent bullshit. You have 20,000 points! By the way, don’t spend all $2.00 of your rewards on one candy bar.

  6. Help us solve an argument.

    Do you know what I mean when I say the word “lanyard”? Apparently I’m living in a place where that is not in their dialect. If you do know what it means and call it something else, what do you call it?

  7. Throwback Thursday to the earliest known evidence of me experiencing “pleat in the pants” issues and bonus preschool teacher who looks exactly like the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2. #tbt

    Throwback Thursday to the earliest known evidence of me experiencing “pleat in the pants” issues and bonus preschool teacher who looks exactly like the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2. #tbt

  8. Meanwhile, the presumed stockpile of penis photos taken by Hollywood actors remains curiously untouched
    -- A line from an EW article questioning why it’s only women in Hollywood who have their privacy violated x (via pansycakeofwesteros)

    So fucking sick of seeing this statement. STRAIGHT MALE HACKERS, that’s why only the women’s pictures were hacked. BECAUSE THE HACKERS ARE SEXUALLY AROUSED BY WOMEN, NOT PENISES. It’s also presumed that whoever originally hacked the accounts wasn’t the one that released them to the world, they were for his own personal spank bank. Somebody stole them from said STRAIGHT MALE hacker(s) that had some of them for at least 3 years and leaked them.

    Hackers are lonely ass people and they do some fucked up shit with their talents. Personally, I don’t think whoever hacked those women’s accounts was doing it as a middle finger to all the famous women in the world, I think they did it because they thought the women were sexy and (wrongly) used their computer literacy to get an inside look.

    Long story short, if it were me, which it wasn’t, I would delete all of the dick pics I grabbed too.

    P.S. Justin Verlander’s (FAMOUS MAN, pitcher for the Detroit tigers, boyfriend of Kate Upton) penis was posted numerous times as part of the leak.

    (via iamlucyspet)

  9. I was on tumblr.com and then I went to amazon.com and their recommendation algorithm is convinced I have cats.

    I was on tumblr.com and then I went to amazon.com and their recommendation algorithm is convinced I have cats.

  10. Throwback Thursday to the best tan I’ve ever had. #tbt

    Throwback Thursday to the best tan I’ve ever had. #tbt

  11. Have you ever given an email the middle finger? I held mine up for like 5 minutes and even bit my lip so it knew I was serious. Don’t take away my fucking unlimited data for a measly 2GB at the same price and then send me an email saying I can get an extra GB if I add a new smartphone to my plan.

Fuck. You.

    Have you ever given an email the middle finger? I held mine up for like 5 minutes and even bit my lip so it knew I was serious. Don’t take away my fucking unlimited data for a measly 2GB at the same price and then send me an email saying I can get an extra GB if I add a new smartphone to my plan.

    Fuck. You.

  12. Home Depot - 10am

    A tatted up biker guy with a wicked white beard and a leather vest walks up to me and says “where’d you get that buggy”. Luckily I’m versed in the stupid things that people call shopping carts, so I say “at the front of the store when I came in.”

    "Oh, okay, somebody stole mine right out of that next aisle."

    "Sorry to hear that."

    "Yeah, I’m gonna strangle that fucker when I find him."

    "Oh, okay, yeah, really glad I acquired mine legally. *giggle*"

    "*walks away*"

  13. Let us weep for an entire generation, amen.

    Let us weep for an entire generation, amen.

  14. coketalk:

The livestream is over for the moment, but here’s the link.

Is that a bag of Ruffles in her left hand?

    coketalk:

    The livestream is over for the moment, but here’s the link.

    Is that a bag of Ruffles in her left hand?

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