1. I was on tumblr.com and then I went to amazon.com and their recommendation algorithm is convinced I have cats.

    I was on tumblr.com and then I went to amazon.com and their recommendation algorithm is convinced I have cats.

  2. Throwback Thursday to the best tan I’ve ever had. #tbt

    Throwback Thursday to the best tan I’ve ever had. #tbt

  3. Have you ever given an email the middle finger? I held mine up for like 5 minutes and even bit my lip so it knew I was serious. Don’t take away my fucking unlimited data for a measly 2GB at the same price and then send me an email saying I can get an extra GB if I add a new smartphone to my plan.

Fuck. You.

    Have you ever given an email the middle finger? I held mine up for like 5 minutes and even bit my lip so it knew I was serious. Don’t take away my fucking unlimited data for a measly 2GB at the same price and then send me an email saying I can get an extra GB if I add a new smartphone to my plan.

    Fuck. You.

  4. Home Depot - 10am

    A tatted up biker guy with a wicked white beard and a leather vest walks up to me and says “where’d you get that buggy”. Luckily I’m versed in the stupid things that people call shopping carts, so I say “at the front of the store when I came in.”

    "Oh, okay, somebody stole mine right out of that next aisle."

    "Sorry to hear that."

    "Yeah, I’m gonna strangle that fucker when I find him."

    "Oh, okay, yeah, really glad I acquired mine legally. *giggle*"

    "*walks away*"

  5. Let us weep for an entire generation, amen.

    Let us weep for an entire generation, amen.

  6. coketalk:

The livestream is over for the moment, but here’s the link.

Is that a bag of Ruffles in her left hand?

    coketalk:

    The livestream is over for the moment, but here’s the link.

    Is that a bag of Ruffles in her left hand?

  7. Fuck raccoons. I snuck out the back door with a baseball bat at 2am while one of them was still in the can and put a bunch of weight on the lid. The smirk I got to enjoy while that little asshole was struggling to get out was worth getting out of bed. His stupid little paws were desperately trying to claw his way out and I just wanted to throw a pipe bomb in there to seal the deal. Motherfuckers it is summer and I can’t sleep with my window open if you assholes are fighting over that piece of pizza I couldn’t finish. Go eat some goddamn bugs in the forest where you belong.

*searches google for a silenced gun that shoots rubber bullets*

    Fuck raccoons. I snuck out the back door with a baseball bat at 2am while one of them was still in the can and put a bunch of weight on the lid. The smirk I got to enjoy while that little asshole was struggling to get out was worth getting out of bed. His stupid little paws were desperately trying to claw his way out and I just wanted to throw a pipe bomb in there to seal the deal. Motherfuckers it is summer and I can’t sleep with my window open if you assholes are fighting over that piece of pizza I couldn’t finish. Go eat some goddamn bugs in the forest where you belong.

    *searches google for a silenced gun that shoots rubber bullets*

  8. Cable Company Customer Service

    "Okay, the discounts I’m able to give you don’t quite add up to what you’re looking for, let me check with my manager."

    Goes to lunch, returns 30 minutes later

    "Sir, are you still there?" sips slurpy “My manager says we don’t really want to lose you as a customer, but go fuck yourself.”

  9. I’m married to a girl that knows how to take selfies for me. (at Cliffs Of Moher)

    I’m married to a girl that knows how to take selfies for me. (at Cliffs Of Moher)

  10. Sheeza bitch

    Well, we just got home from Ireland. I just checked the mail. If any of you are ever considering having “outstanding credit”, don’t, because then you’ll never stop getting junk mail from credit card companies force feeding you ways to fuck up said outstanding credit. ITS LIKE THEY WANT EVERYONES CREDIT TO BE SHIT. Oh wait.

  11. Fat

    We drove the entire length of Ireland this week and saw 2 McDonald’s. We’re driving home from the Chicago airport and in the first 2 miles we’ve passed 6.

    Update a half mile later: 7.
  12. Only 4 full length featured pictures away from our destination!

    Only 4 full length featured pictures away from our destination!

  13. Goodbye Ireland, I’ll miss your affordably priced prepaid mobile data plans. (at On the runway at Shannon Airport)

    Goodbye Ireland, I’ll miss your affordably priced prepaid mobile data plans. (at On the runway at Shannon Airport)

  14. Here’s a sexy ass panoramic

    Here’s a sexy ass panoramic

  15. WOW. (at Cliffs of Moher)

    WOW. (at Cliffs of Moher)

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