1. Been back on twitter for 24 hours and already experiencing the supernatural

    Been back on twitter for 24 hours and already experiencing the supernatural

  2. acertainculdesac:

sexting

Fuck yeah it does

    acertainculdesac:

    sexting

    Fuck yeah it does

  3. I hate how people call me grandma when I talk about my coupons

    It’s like bitch you just jealous of my big pimpin money savin swag

  4. Shopping Rewards

    Get the fuck outta my face with your 100 points equals one cent bullshit. You have 20,000 points! By the way, don’t spend all $2.00 of your rewards on one candy bar.

  5. Help us solve an argument.

    Do you know what I mean when I say the word “lanyard”? Apparently I’m living in a place where that is not in their dialect. If you do know what it means and call it something else, what do you call it?

  6. Throwback Thursday to the earliest known evidence of me experiencing “pleat in the pants” issues and bonus preschool teacher who looks exactly like the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2. #tbt

    Throwback Thursday to the earliest known evidence of me experiencing “pleat in the pants” issues and bonus preschool teacher who looks exactly like the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2. #tbt

  7. Meanwhile, the presumed stockpile of penis photos taken by Hollywood actors remains curiously untouched
    -- A line from an EW article questioning why it’s only women in Hollywood who have their privacy violated x (via pansycakeofwesteros)

    So fucking sick of seeing this statement. STRAIGHT MALE HACKERS, that’s why only the women’s pictures were hacked. BECAUSE THE HACKERS ARE SEXUALLY AROUSED BY WOMEN, NOT PENISES. It’s also presumed that whoever originally hacked the accounts wasn’t the one that released them to the world, they were for his own personal spank bank. Somebody stole them from said STRAIGHT MALE hacker(s) that had some of them for at least 3 years and leaked them.

    Hackers are lonely ass people and they do some fucked up shit with their talents. Personally, I don’t think whoever hacked those women’s accounts was doing it as a middle finger to all the famous women in the world, I think they did it because they thought the women were sexy and (wrongly) used their computer literacy to get an inside look.

    Long story short, if it were me, which it wasn’t, I would delete all of the dick pics I grabbed too.

    P.S. Justin Verlander’s (FAMOUS MAN, pitcher for the Detroit tigers, boyfriend of Kate Upton) penis was posted numerous times as part of the leak.

    (via iamlucyspet)

  8. I was on tumblr.com and then I went to amazon.com and their recommendation algorithm is convinced I have cats.

    I was on tumblr.com and then I went to amazon.com and their recommendation algorithm is convinced I have cats.

  9. Throwback Thursday to the best tan I’ve ever had. #tbt

    Throwback Thursday to the best tan I’ve ever had. #tbt

  10. Have you ever given an email the middle finger? I held mine up for like 5 minutes and even bit my lip so it knew I was serious. Don’t take away my fucking unlimited data for a measly 2GB at the same price and then send me an email saying I can get an extra GB if I add a new smartphone to my plan.

Fuck. You.

    Have you ever given an email the middle finger? I held mine up for like 5 minutes and even bit my lip so it knew I was serious. Don’t take away my fucking unlimited data for a measly 2GB at the same price and then send me an email saying I can get an extra GB if I add a new smartphone to my plan.

    Fuck. You.

  11. Home Depot - 10am

    A tatted up biker guy with a wicked white beard and a leather vest walks up to me and says “where’d you get that buggy”. Luckily I’m versed in the stupid things that people call shopping carts, so I say “at the front of the store when I came in.”

    "Oh, okay, somebody stole mine right out of that next aisle."

    "Sorry to hear that."

    "Yeah, I’m gonna strangle that fucker when I find him."

    "Oh, okay, yeah, really glad I acquired mine legally. *giggle*"

    "*walks away*"

  12. Let us weep for an entire generation, amen.

    Let us weep for an entire generation, amen.

  13. coketalk:

The livestream is over for the moment, but here’s the link.

Is that a bag of Ruffles in her left hand?

    coketalk:

    The livestream is over for the moment, but here’s the link.

    Is that a bag of Ruffles in her left hand?

  14. Fuck raccoons. I snuck out the back door with a baseball bat at 2am while one of them was still in the can and put a bunch of weight on the lid. The smirk I got to enjoy while that little asshole was struggling to get out was worth getting out of bed. His stupid little paws were desperately trying to claw his way out and I just wanted to throw a pipe bomb in there to seal the deal. Motherfuckers it is summer and I can’t sleep with my window open if you assholes are fighting over that piece of pizza I couldn’t finish. Go eat some goddamn bugs in the forest where you belong.

*searches google for a silenced gun that shoots rubber bullets*

    Fuck raccoons. I snuck out the back door with a baseball bat at 2am while one of them was still in the can and put a bunch of weight on the lid. The smirk I got to enjoy while that little asshole was struggling to get out was worth getting out of bed. His stupid little paws were desperately trying to claw his way out and I just wanted to throw a pipe bomb in there to seal the deal. Motherfuckers it is summer and I can’t sleep with my window open if you assholes are fighting over that piece of pizza I couldn’t finish. Go eat some goddamn bugs in the forest where you belong.

    *searches google for a silenced gun that shoots rubber bullets*

  15. Cable Company Customer Service

    "Okay, the discounts I’m able to give you don’t quite add up to what you’re looking for, let me check with my manager."

    Goes to lunch, returns 30 minutes later

    "Sir, are you still there?" sips slurpy “My manager says we don’t really want to lose you as a customer, but go fuck yourself.”

Blogs worth following:
emergentpattern jusky bdgarp almostfancynancy suicidecasanova daveshumka audioper thechristaland thetroothandnothingbutthetruth acertainculdesac girl-non-grata girl-detective poptartsandtears iamlucyspet thejohnblog btothed themisscook edgellace wordsworthinc meetingboy juanincognito atsween everythinginthesky robdelaney kelsyabbott debshock shelbysbutt jezebelthegreat meeegas freddashdog dctr-y meklarian ryanjjohn jenfunkyginandtonic dresspants alisonagosti marcmack marcusthetoken nicky36 inspirationmobile iusedtobehusky cloudya nikiwith1k kellyoxford kalamazu cutlerish aimee-b-loved planetleslie sweetsteffy angelahelga kindasavvy divergent-one coketalk k2bf danagel insooutso slashleen lafix bombassstic sucittam plemur stilldrew katydidsays sunshineandanxiety paulymiller spiralingsidewayz jinxybee deconile anjeanettecarter thethryll mightyquinn72 dysolution sunnybucket bits-of-stuff smelbz smethanie mrbigfists theyoyoha jamiwithani fireland factualfiction jeeneebee tehawesome totallycoty girl11eleven cleapow gorillasushi capricecrane markleggett bettylies workaholics juarezafterdarker kolchak changingstephanie shawngarrett jasonmaybe jephkelley shiraselko betterversionofme quetaratara 1234fiveagainstone fuckyouiminabathroom pinktowels iamnotdiddy thebosha paxochka emzeld goldengateblond uncledynamite elizabayne brentcetera arresteddevelopmentgifs bunnkwio communitygifs matthewdolkart peteec witstream flyoverjoel ungeziefer randomhimay cgilmo markmathiassayre monikkab hollyberryness robfee pthreee overlandparker beingtheo sweettooof xytrex vanillatice bailey hadzilla yzupp snarktoast chshumentary globetrottgirl trolleycat trainedhedonist joeschmitt bluecrab thenardster favstar bestgirlbetty dropdeadchris fyeahfriendsgifs verlieren frescophonics brianstorm